Live! With Kelly and Michael

Thursday, September 3rd, 2015

Announcer: It's "live with kelly and michael!" Today, from the movie "trainwreck," amy schumer, and big-screen star jason statham stops by. Plus, we'll give you a chance to win a luxurious tropical vacation, but you've got to tune in to win, all next on "live"!

[Theme music playing]

[Captioning made possible by disney-abc domestic television]

Now here are emmy winners kelly ripa and michael strahan!

Kelly: Hi!

[Cheering and applause]

Michael: It's very hard to do.

Kelly: Very hard. Hi. Hi.

Michael: Yo, and yo.

Kelly: Hi up there. Hi.

Michael: Ah...

Kelly: It is thursday, september third, everybody, like it or not, 2015. Like it or not. We are in september.

Michael: So how... How are you doing?

Kelly: I'm great. I'm thinking about doing something that I had... I didn't even know could be a possibility for me. You know, mark has his... Mark, um, has a room that is just for him, you know. He's got his own room. He smokes cigars in there.

Michael: I have my own room.

Kelly: You have your own room.

Michael: Every man needs a cave.

Kelly: Every man needs a cave. Ok. Well, every woman needs a she-shed.

Gelman: A she-shed?

[Cheering and applause]

Michael: Ok. Let me... I've just got to say this before you read it. A man cave sounds intimate, cozy. A she-shed sounds like I went to home depot and threw up some stuff. All right? It sounds like a shed in the backyard, like a little...

Kelly: If that's what it takes. If that's what it takes for us to get a little privacy.

Michael: Please tell me what's in a she-shed.

Kelly: A she-shed is a backyard haven for busy working women seeking a quiet repieve from the world--reprieve from the world. And that's all I want, is a reprieve from the world. I want someplace where they can't get to me. I have never taken a shower without there being a knock on the shower-- because the door is glass. "mom. Mom." I'm like, "guys, "if the door is shut, you can't come in." That's just the way it is.

Michael: Well, yeah. So, what... So, a she-shed. Is this new? This is new.

Kelly: First, we have to define the purpose-- this is brand-new. We are starting a trend right here.

Michael: Let's see. What you got?

Kelly: You have to define the purpose of your she-shed. Ok? Whether it's reading, crafting, indulging in your favorite hobby, like privacy or gardening. Um, so that's what you have to do.

Michael: You need a theme.

Kelly: You can make it about chilling out, like, just about chilling... It can just be to go in there and just have silence. It should be an elegant hideaway. It should not be a dirty hovel, the way you've described it.

[Laughter]

Michael: Well, man caves usually are a little...manly.

Kelly: So listen to this. According to science-- ok. Let me ask first. Who here is dating? You're dating. You're, like... You're not engaged. You're not...nobody's dating? The entire audience is... One, two. Ok, people are pointing. They're embarrassed to say.

Michael: A lot of people looked real nervous about answering that question. I'm serious. I saw some twitches.

Kelly: There's no such thing as dating out of your league, according to science. How about that? If you've got a crush, right, that so-called "friend zone," you know how they go, "I'm in the friend zone," "he's never gonna like me "because he thinks of me as a friend or a little sister"? That, according to new research, is not such a bad thing. A study on attraction conducted by researchers at the university of texas at austin and northwestern university found that the longer you know someone, the more of a chance you have with them. They even may become more attracted to you, and you may become more attracted to them the longer you know each other. I think that's true, because mark and I had, like, a one-year friendship before we started dating.

Michael: Really?

Kelly: Yeah.

Michael: And were you attracted to him when you first--

Kelly: Yes, I was. I was like, "this is just a matter of time."

Michael: So, ok. You know what? Maybe that is true. Maybe that is true. People are friends a long time. The next thing you know, they're a couple, and you go, "wow. I didn't see that coming."

Kelly: Yeah, I saw it coming. I definitely saw it coming.

Michael: Somebody wanted that to happen.

Kelly: I willed it to happen.

Michael: And speaking about being together and, um... You know, you guys were friends, but then you became united. There was this guy, peter bello, and he had his wife, grace. They were married for 50 years, and they had been... They had been set up by his mother in italy. They had two children, 4 grandchildren, and they signed dollar bills. And in 2001, his wife grace was diagnosed with cancer. In 2009, they each signed a dollar bill for fun. Now, peter kept the dollar bill in his wallet. But then one day he's out there, he's buying something. He accidentally spent it.

Kelly: Oh, no.

Michael: And in 2014, she passed away.

Kelly: Oh...

Michael: So a couple of weeks ago, he and his granddaughter are getting lunch. He paid the cashier and was given $3.00 in change back--

Kelly: No. Oh, my gosh.

Michael: The dollar bill signed by his wife.

[Applause]

Kelly: Look. I have the chills. I got...I got the chills.

Michael: Yeah. That's amazing. With his granddaughter. So immediately they went to the cemetery, and he told his wife that, "honey, I got that dollar bill back," and he said he will never spend it again. He'll be more careful next time. So...fate.

[Applause]

Kelly: Wow. Wow. That just broke my heart. A heartbreaking story.

Michael: Yes, but you know, a good ending at the end of the day. Good things happen to good people. Hey, time to kick this party off with our "summer selfie travel trivia"!

[Music playing]

What a great job! Great, great job. And we have eileen hubbard on the line, and she's from ringle, wisconsin. Hello, eileen. How are you?

Eileen: Good. How are you? Hi, kelly. Hi, michael.

Kelly: Hey, eileen. Where are you standing in this picture? It looks so beautiful.

Eileen: I'm in san diego on a work trip.

Kelly: Mmm...

Michael: Yeah, that looks like you're working hard.

Kelly: Yeah. What kind of... What kind of work do you do?

Eileen: Um, I work for a large insurance company, and I travel for my job once in a while.

Michael: All right. Nice. As long as you get to travel to places like that, that makes the job even better. Well, you know what? We're gonna spin the wheel. We're gonna see if we can send you on a trip that's not work-related. So here we go.

[Cheering and applause]

[Music playing]

Mmm!

Kelly: Mmm. This is a great prize-- the wyndham vacation resorts in emerald grande at destin, florida. Hey, that's nice. 7 days, 6 nights. It includes round-trip airfare, a $750 food and beverage credit, and a $500 activity credit... For activities.

[Laughter]

It's all courtesy of wyndham rewards. It's a prize valued at $5,500. You have 20 seconds and only one guess, eileen. Good luck.

Michael: All right. Here we go. It's a good question. We've had l.l. Cool j on the show. What did we say the "j" stands for in l.l. Cool j?

Eileen: Hmm...

[Pop]

10 seconds.

[Typing]

[Laughter]

5 seconds. Say anything. What does the "j" stand for?

Eileen: Jam.

Kelly: What?

Eileen: Jam.

Michael: Jam?

Kelly: No.

Michael: Nope. If you had added the "e" and "s." It stands for james.

Eileen: James.

Michael: Ladies love cool james.

Kelly: At first, I thought you said "sam," and I was like, "no, there's no..."

[Laughter]

There's no "j," no "j" in sam.

Michael: No "j" in sam.

Kelly: I don't know a lot, but I know that. Hey, listen, eileen, you're still gonna get a great prize. You and a lucky member of our studio audience will each receive a $500 appliance package from cuisinart. Hey, great. So please pick a number between one and 221.

Eileen: 55. Michael and kelly: 55.

Kelly: 5-5.

Michael: 55.

[Cheering and applause]

There we are right there. Eileen, congratulations. Thank you for playing. Congratulations, young lady. Everybody stay right there. When we come back, the very funny amy schumer will be here.

[Theme music playing]

Announcer: Still ahead on "live," we'll show you more of your favorite live moments, as "live's social flashback" continues, jason statham, and coming up next, amy schumer.

Kelly: She's making her film debut, and even bigger than that, she's making her debut on this show.

[Cheering]

Michael: Yes.

Kelly: Please welcome the insanely talented comedienne, writer, and actress amy schumer.

[Music playing]

[Cheering and applause]

Amy: How do you feel right now?

Kelly: Super. Super.

Michael: What's up, baby? How are you?

Amy: Good. How are you?

Michael: I'm good. I'm better now.

Kelly: Look how much everybody loves you. Everybody loves you.

Amy: I love everybody.

Kelly: We have so many mutual friends in common, and this is our first time meeting.

Kelly: It lets me know that you're a troublemaker.

Kelly: I am a troublemaker.

Amy: You're bad news.

Kelly: Yeah. You, too. Right on, girl!

Amy: Bam!

Kelly: Yeah.

Amy: And you're bad news.

Michael: Why?

Amy: I just saw "magic mike."

[Cheering and applause]

What? What?

Michael: Don't do that.

Amy: Yes! I saw it at the magic johnson theater in harlem. We were all out of our seats, screaming. We were going, "is that michael?" Everybody was freaking out. Did you guys see him in the movie?

[Cheering and applause]

You're so hot!

Michael: Well, let me tell you right now. I saw it, and I was like, "is that michael?"

Amy: Yes!

Michael: Well, thank you. Thank you.

Kelly: It was all c.g.I.

Michael: All c.g.I.

Amy: Whatever it takes.

Kelly: Yeah. Now listen, I've got a...you know, here's the thing about you. You're...it seems like from our perspective, you are this big overnight sensation. Right? You are huge. There's nobody bigger than you right now.

Amy: Can we maybe rephrase? It's just... I'm sitting next to you. Like, your waist... Can I touch your waist?

Kelly: I don't have a waist. By the way... I don't have a waist. This is...this is an umbrella about to open.

Amy: Can I stand behind you? I want to see how many of you...

[Laughter]

Kelly: No. No.

Amy: There's a whole...

Kelly: No. See? You're making yourself bigger.

Amy: I am two.

Kelly: What I mean is, you are the hottest sensation in the universe right now. But...

[Cheering and applause]

You've been at it for a while.

Amy: 11 years.

Kelly: 11 years you've been at it.

Amy: 11 years I've been on the road telling dirty jokes, getting paid in pizza... Obviously, and, uh... But yeah, I know. I've been called the fastest-rising comedienne for, like, a decade.

Kelly: Oh, my gosh.

Amy: Yeah.

Michael: But now that... Is it hard to be anonymous now that everybody knows who you are?

Amy: Um... Like, it's still pretty easy. I look so gross all day. Like, I just walk around, like, looking like...nell. Like, I have no makeup. So people are like, "oh, cool. "like, a homeless woman is in our neighborhood." Um...and I've only gotten paparazzied twice. Once I think they just, like, thought I was adele. Like, they were just confused. You know, they're like... They're, like, asking me about my music. I'm like, "I don't have music. What are you talking about?" And so it's not too bad. Yeah, but, um...

Kelly: Do you feel like... Are a lot of women coming up to you and saying, "oh, you're my best friend" or "you're like my best friend" or "you're just like my best friend"?

Amy: Totally. Yeah. They come up, and they feel like they already know you. And it's still very new for me. Don't you get alarmed? Like, I'll like, kind of yell, you know. I, like... In an airport, this guy just, like, kind of grabbed me, and I was like, "aah!" And he's like, "oh, I'm sorry," and I'm like, "I'm sorry." Like, we just had this weird...

Kelly: You're always surprised at, like, how strong people that really like you are. Right? They can sweep you right off your feet.

Amy: Exact--well, no, actually they can't do that with me, but, um...

Michael: I can tell you right now--

Amy: They, like, nudge me, and I barely move. They're like, "wow! She is a linebacker."

Michael: I could sweep you off your feet.

Amy: Oh, I know you can. Don't start.

Kelly: It's all c.g.I.

Michael: We've got a little commercial break. During the commercial break, I may have to sweep amy off her feet. But when we come back, we're gonna talk about the worst date you've ever been on. So we'll be right back with amy schumer, everybody.

Announcer: Tomorrow on "live," adam sandler.

[Music playing]d d

Kelly: That was crazy. That was nuts.

Michael: Oh!

Kelly: Well, we just all got our exercise.

Amy: I still have an altoid.

Kelly: Oh, my gosh. Do you want a tissue?

[Laughter]

Kelly: Did you spit it? That's great.

Amy: I feel so at home here.

Michael: You should feel at home. We do that all the time.

Amy: You guys create such a nice environment.

Michael: That's real, too.

Amy: That's nice. That's a real balcony. I love it.

Michael: But you know what? We want to talk about your movie "trainwreck," ok?

Amy: Yes!

Michael: And you play a character named amy...

Amy: Yeah.

Michael: And you've suffered through horrible, horrible dates. But I'm curious. In real life, what has been the worst date you've ever been on?

Amy: Ooh. I would say I've probably been a lot of people's worst dates.

[Laughter]

But the worst date I ever went on, I went out with a guy, and he, uh...he was, like, asking me date questions, you know. He was like, "if you could have lunch "with anyone living or dead, who would it be?" And I said mark twain, and he said, "no, it has to be somebody real."

[Laughter]

I think he thought I meant tom sawyer, but then...

[Laughter]

And then I had sex with him.

[Laughter]

Kelly: How was that?

Amy: It was fine. It was fine. I was amazing.

[Laughter]

Michael: I love this interview.

Kelly: It's great. We just want you to tell us-- tell us more stories. Tell us something else. You just wrapped season 3 of "inside amy schumer."

Amy: Yeah.

Kelly: Congratulations.

[Cheering and applause]

Amy: Thanks, guys.

Kelly: That's a huge show.

Amy: There's one guy up there, he's just like... "I don't know what she does. I never see it."

Kelly: He thought he was coming to see a different show. He heard michael strahan was here, and he thought we were gonna talk about football all day, talking about that.

Strahan: But everybody comes on your show--tina fey, paul giamatti. Everybody wants to be on that show, so that must everybody's clamoring to be on "inside amy schumer."

Amy: Yeah, everybody wants to be inside me, and I...

[Laughter]

[Cheering and applause]

Yeah. Oh, that guy woke up.

Kelly: Ha ha ha.

Amy: What I've learned, as someone who's now an actor, is that, as you know, actors are lonely.

Kelly: Yes.

Amy: And so they'll do your show because they're bored. You're like, "oh, they would never," and you're like, "yeah, they're just "sitting at home, like, googling themselves."

Kelly: They're not doing anything.

Amy: Right. They love the opportunity to perform.

Kelly: I'm also very jealous of you for another reason. You are opening--

Amy: My abs?

Kelly: Yes. Your abs and you're opening for madonna.

Amy: Yes, I am. Have you heard of madonna? Oh, you know madonna?

Michael: But not only that, it's at...at her... It's at her request.

Amy: Yes!

Kelly: So tell me, how did that go? Did she call you? She called you, and how did it go? What did she say?

Amy: Well, chris rock called me and was like--

Kelly: Oh, me, too.

Amy: Right. I know. Yeah, he's like, "madonna wants your number." I'm like, "how do you have my number?" Like this isn't weird. But he directed my special that's gonna be on hbo. So he's now in my phone. But, uh, he's like, "madonna wants you to open for her." And I thought he was joking. And then he's like, "no, she wants... She wants you to open for her." And I just was like, "well, yes! Like, of course." I still haven't talked to her on the phone. So it may be chris rock just messing with me. But I think I'll probably bomb.

Kelly: I mean, I read it that you're opening for her.

Amy: Well, if you read it on the internet, then it's 100% a fact.

Michael: And something else I wonder if it's true or it's gonna happen, you were a guest comedy coach on "the bachelorette."

Amy: That is correct.

Michael: And then jennifer lawrence started this whole campaign about you being the next bachelorette.

Amy: Jennifer lawrence knows my name. Oh, my god.

Kelly: So does chris rock, and so does madonna.

Michael: When is that gonna happen?

Kelly: So it's a holy trinity.

Amy: I am very famous. I have to go. Um...

[Laughter]

Michael: Would you consider doing it, though?

Amy: I don't know. I think they test you for diseases before, and I probably wouldn't clear it. That's true. I don't think that's true at all.

Amy: I'm a petri dish. I, um...

Kelly: They don't.

Amy: Well, you know what? I heard that you have a problem with the franchise. And I love that. I think we have the same issue with it, but it makes me love it, like...

Kelly: Yeah. No, I love it, and then I'm mad at myself.

Amy: It's like junk food.

Kelly: It's junk food for your mind.

Amy: No, it's not good for you.

Michael: You know, in this movie "trainwreck," you wrote and you star in this movie...

Amy: Yeah.

Michael: Which is amazing. And it's a story of commitment, a commitment-phobic woman.

Kelly: Which is so great.

Michael: But that's--so you-- is it--is it a--

Amy: I'm ready for this, michael.

Michael: Is it really you? Is this story really your life?

Amy: Yeah. No, this is... This is heavily autobiographical for sure.

Kelly: No kidding?

Amy: Yeah. I am a trainwreck.

Kelly: Do you get nervous with your family seeing it or no?

Amy: No. They're... You know, we're all cut from the same cloth. We're all very... We're all oversharers.

Kelly: Oh, great.

Amy: And very honest and open and forgiving and nonjudgmental. I've got a good... Got a good crew.

Kelly: Yeah. That's good. That's important.

[Light applause]

So I'm reading now--

[Laughter]

Amy: They went...

[Laughter and applause]

Michael: Ha ha ha!

Kelly: You get used to it. They...you know. You said the movie executives wanted you to get into shape.

Amy: Yeah. They were like--

Kelly: What does that mean?

Amy: Well, it's so funny, because they want it to be your idea, so they were like, "how do you want to look for the movie?" And I was like, "ooh, I don't know. Like scarves and blazers." And they were like, "no. Like, maybe skip a meal." And I was like, "oh."

[Laughter]

Yeah. They're like, "no more food for you." I'm like, "don't you need that to live?" They were like, "that is a myth." So...

[Laughter]

So they got me a trainer. Right? And you know, this guy, like, trains everybody.

Michael: Oh, trainer to the stars type of person? Ok.

Amy: Yeah. Like all the hemsworthses, and, um...

[Laughter]

Everybody. Megan fox, actual foxes. And he... He, like, walked in to meet me for the first time, and I could see him kind of like assessing the... Like, he's, like, looking me up and down, like... "I can see there's a person "under there somewhere, just, you know..." And...oh. And, uh... And then he's like, "ok. "so, um...how many drinks do you have in a week?" You know how, like, doctors will give you a questionnaire?

Kelly: I always lie about that.

Amy: I always lie, but that day I was like, "what if, "just for the heck of it, I'm honest?" And so I was like, "36."

[Laughter]

And he was like, "no. Alcohol." And I was like, "no. Alcohol. Yeah." And he's like, "walk me through what you eat in a day." And then he stopped me at noon. Like, at noon, he's like, "I've heard enough. Yeah." And then I got my new meal plan, which was, like, a smoothie for breakfast, and then, like, for lunch, you journal about that smoothie, and then...

[Laughter]

Like, there's no food. That's the hollywood secret. Don't put food in your dumb mouth. Like, that's it. That's it. So I'm proud to say, though, I did lose...3 pounds. Thank you.

[Cheering and applause]

You can have it all!

Kelly: Is that leather, too?

Amy: Oh, yeah. Narciso rodriguez.

Kelly: Oh, I love narciso.

Michael: Now we've got to take a look at a clip. Now, in this clip, you're expressing reservations about your new boyfriend to your sister.

Amy: Yes.

Michael: So let's check out amy schumer in "trainwreck."

Amy: He's too nice for me. You know it.

Sister: No. He's the perfect amount of nice that you deserve.

Amy: Yeah, but you know what? There's deal-breakers across the board with him. Like, the sex is good. It's like really good. Like, it's great, but it's not, like, the best I've ever had. You know?

Sister: Right. You don't want "best sex that you've ever had" guy.

Amy: No, you want to stay with "the best you've ever had" guy.

Sister: No, you don't. That's a creepy guy. You don't want to be with that guy. "best sex that you've ever had" guy is in jail. You know what I mean?

Amy: Yeah. But I've been thinking about maybe reaching out to him.

[Laughter and applause]

Kelly: Just so you know.

Amy: Thank you for telling me that.

Kelly: Just so you know.

Michael: We've got a little sidebar going on. But the movie is "trainwreck." Make sure you check it out. The super-talented and funny■.#l se]

For all of today's show, and later in the program, you can answer "live's social "flashback tune in to win question of the day."

To see all the details and submit your correct answer. Tune in tomorrow and every day until september fourth for your daily question.

[Music playing]ou

Kelly: There is no doubt that he is one of the biggest and baddest action stars in the business. Please welcome the big, the bad, the handsome, the delightful jason statham.

Man: ♪ are you ready? Everybody in the house tonight? You know what's coming it's about to go down so put your hands up let your body move all across the floor you know what to do I'm talking to you and you and you and you and you and you and you... ♪

Michael: Good to see you.

Kelly: Hi, gorgeous.

Michael: That is a fine suit you're wearing right there.

Jason: Thank you, sir.

Kelly: You look like a million bucks.

Jason: Thank you very much.

Kelly: Mm-hmm.

Michael: Now, welcome back to new york.

Jason: Nice to be here, yeah.

Michael: Do you get a chance to spend a lot of time here?

Jason: Uh, not really. You know, I'm back and forth, you know, doing a bit of press, promoting, so, you know... I'm gonna stay a few days. My mom and dad are in town. So we're gonna walk around the city, and you know, they've never been here, so... So that'll be nice, yeah.

Michael: You know you say you're gonna walk around the city. Now all these people are gonna be walking around the city.

Kelly: Looking for you. Looking for you. Um, now, you were in that huge smash, smash film "furious 7."

Jason: Yes.

Kelly: Yeah.

[Cheering and applause]

Do you...here's the question-- do you make any movies that don't gross over $40 billion?

Jason: A lot, yes. You just don't want to see them.

Michael: So you...you ended up, at the end of the movie, you're still alive. Are you gonna do a sequel?

Jason: "fast 8"? Yeah, we're talking about doing it. It's always good to stay alive in a film, yeah.

Michael: You're a fit guy. You're athletic. I mean, every time I see you, I'm going, man, I wish I could look like that and do all these high kicks--

Kelly: That's not what you said.

Michael: I do.

Kelly: Backstage, you were like, "I could take jason statham. No big deal." Remember when you said that?

Michael: No...I don't.

Kelly: Well, he thought it. I could tell he was thinking that.

Michael: But you seem to me... Like, you do a lot of your own stunts. Were you a daredevil as a kid?

Jason: You know, I wanted to be a stuntman. It was a path that I never pursued. My friend was training to be a stuntman. You need a few different sort of skills, you know. You need a lot of contact sport. You know, it's...one or two things I already had, but it was a...I never really sort of had the time, because I was competing in a different sport, like an amateur sport. So I never had the time to dedicate to what it really needs to become a stuntman.

Kelly: What was your sport that you competed in?

Jason: I used to do high-board diving for the country. Yeah, yeah. A long time ago.

Kelly: So you can do the whole pike and the whole...

Jason: Yeah. You do, like, 3 1/2 somersaults and many different sort of rotations.

Kelly: No kidding?

Jason: Yeah.

Michael: But do you think that that helped you, though, to compete, like... Because I get on the high-dive, man, I'm looking down there. I did it once as a kid, just climbed up too high. I had to jump because they wouldn't let me go back down, and it was the most terrifying thing. But does that help you, when you're getting ready to do stunts, to be calm?

Jason: Yeah. It gives you what they call sort of an aerial awareness, you know. You always know where your feet is. I did a lot of trampoline and a lot of tumbling. All these things give you that sort of a...you know, the extra sense of what's up and what's down. So it gives you a lot of confidence. And I think stunts are always sort of governed by how confident you are in that situation and whether you want to do it or not.

Kelly: Jason, do you know they have now come up with a bearded swim cap for wind resistance. In case you want to continue pursuing diving, we can get you one of those.

[Laughter and applause]

I'll get it for you.

Jason: I'll need a couple in case I lose one, you know.

Kelly: I'll get you a couple. Of course. Yeah.

Michael: Why don't you buy a dozen and pass them out between us? Yeah. Hey, everybody, we'll be right back with more with jason statham. So stay right there.

Announcer: If you'd like to know more about anything you see on "live," just log on to our website,

Michael: We are back with jason statham, star of the new film "spy." And when I tell you--

Man: Hey, jason!

Michael: This movie-- somebody over there, they want you, man. This movie... The movie is very... It's a very funny movie. I mean, one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. But you are incredibly funny, you are a comedy actor, man. And I didn't expect that.

Kelly: All this time.

Michael: All this time, you've been holding back on us.

Jason: I had no idea. I mean, I wasn't trying to be funny. You know, it's like...ha ha ha! You know, I'm quite nervous about going...I mean, I'm... Sort of my last dozen years, I've been doing action films. I play these internal characters, don't say much. I mean, I say more in this, like, one monologue than I've said in about 8 movies.

Kelly: Right, right.

Jason: My old style stuff. So it's different to play something where you don't take yourself seriously and you can poke a bit of fun at yourself.

Kelly: You play a super-intense c.I.a. Operative, right? You're angry all the time. You're very serious. Right?

Jason: Yeah. He's like a... He's a guy that considers himself the best in the business at being a spy. Uh, so when... Basically my cover is blown. So I can't continue this mission. So when, you know, someone that's known as a secretary in the basement gets to do what I should be doing, I get a little bit peed... Peeved off. I was struggling for something to say there.

Kelly: No, you can say it. You got it. You got it.

Michael: But he's a good guy.

Jason: Yeah, he's a good guy. You know, he's this guy who's capable, but his compass is a little bit off, you know. So he turns up at the wrong time at the wrong place, and that... You know, the fun-- the fun is become because of, you know, that kind of a situation.

Kelly: And the director and the writer of the movie, is it paul feig?

Jason: Paul feig, yeah.

Kelly: He wrote it for you. Right? Didn't he write this character with you in mind?

Jason: Yeah, he did. He did "bridesmaids." He's a terrific director, and he'd seen a couple of films that I've been in. Namely "crank" was one that he was sort of interested in. He saw a comic potential in that. I don't know what he saw.

[Laughter]

But, um...yeah. I mean, he wrote this. He had an idea of how I would fit into a comedy, because, you know, on paper, I don't fit into comedies.

Michael: And did you want to do comedy?

Jason: It wasn't, like, a dream, because, you know, there's good and bad in every movie, and you know, to be in a bad comedy is...is not a desire I want.

[Laughter]

Michael: Well, I can tell you right now, you're not in a bad comedy. You are in a great comedy, a very funny comedy. And we're gonna take a look at a clip, and in this clip, we find you as agent rick ford in a c.I.a. Meeting. His undercover identity has been compromised, but he's planning his next move. So let's take a look at jason statham in "spy."

Rick: Here's what we do. I go into the face-off machine, get a whole new face. Would turn up, they'd never know it's me.

Woman: Do you have quarters? Because it costs 50 cents.

Rick: What? I've got to pay?

Woman: No, because it doesn't exist. Guys, this is more than just a kill mission. Now, we can get reina, deluca, and some top terrorist leadership and get the weapon back if we do this right. We just need someone who can shadow them without attracting attention. We need someone invisible. Second woman: I'll do it.

Jason: Ok. Thanks, lunch lady. Second woman: I'm serious. I... I have never been out in the field.

Jason: Are you considering this?

Woman: For your safety and the safety of those around this table, I am considering it.

Jason: Then consider this-- I quit.

[Bangs table]

And I know there's a face-off machine! You're just keeping it a secret from me.

[Laughter and applause]

Michael: I'll tell you, do yourself a favor. Get out and laugh. It is "spy." Jason statham, everybody.

Jason: Thanks a lot.

Announcer: Tomorrow on "live," from "game of thrones," kit harington.

T

Call

Michael: Our next guest plays twin sisters of the disney channel comedy "liv and maddie," and soon can be seen singing and dancing in the movie "descendants." Please welcome dove cameron.

Man: ♪ it's the look in your eyes telling me the time is right for me I'm gonna make... ♪

Michael: How are you?

Dove: I'm great. How are you?

Michael: I'm great.

Dove: Hi.

Kelly: Dove, I love your name. That's very unique.

Dove: Thank you so much.

Kelly: So, were your parents big...bird fans?

[Laughter]

Dove: I think my parents were just hippies. My sister got a normal name, though.

Kelly: What's her name?

Dove: Claire.

Kelly: Oh, claire.

Michael: But have you ever met any other doves?

Dove: I...I have only heard of other doves, but they've all been men. So I don't really know what that says about me.

[Laughter]

Kelly: I really love it. You grew up in washington state, right? That's got to be nice.

Dove: Yeah. I really love it there.

Michael: Oh, there you are.

Dove: Oh, no.

Kelly: That's a baby dove.

Dove: Baby dove.

Michael: You look like you were full of energy, though.

Dove: I was. I had a little bit too much energy, which is, I think, how I ended up here, because my mother didn't know what to do with me.

Kelly: Is that when you first started acting, as a kid?

Dove: Yeah, yeah. I was about 8, and my mother was like, "just, like, go take a theater class or something."

Kelly: Wow.

Michael: But how did you end up in l.a., though?

Dove: Um...I begged my mother.

Michael: Really?

Dove: I basically did everything except make a powerpoint presentation.

[Laughter]

Um...yeah.

Michael: So you begged your mother, and she moved?

Dove: Yeah. Isn't she amazing?

Michael: Wow.

Dove: Yeah.

Kelly: I mean, that's...

[Applause]

Listen, I'm glad it worked out for y'all, because can you imagine?

Dove: I know.

Kelly: But "liv and maddie," this is the third season now, right?

Dove: Yeah.

Kelly: Ok. So you play twins. That's twice as much work. You never have a scene off. Right?

Dove: Basically not, but it's also twice the fun. And I think it really trained me to, like, be able to kind of take whatever comes my way. Yeah.

Michael: So how were the auditions for that? You have to go in and play two characters or...

Dove: No. Actually, funny enough, I never auditioned to play twins. It was a completely different show when we first started, and, um...when we tested and we showed, you know, sort of, like, our core audience the show, eventually it came back, after all the processing of, like, what they liked and what they didn't, um... And it came back, and they were like, "so your show got picked up. "also, you're gonna be playing twins. So we'll see you monday."

[Laughter]

Kelly: The old bait-and-switch.

Dove: Yeah.

Kelly: The old twin bait-and-switch.

Dove: Absolutely terrified.

Michael: Now you're in this new tv movie "descendants," which my kids cannot wait to see this. Cannot wait to see it. What is it all about?

Dove: So basically, um, "descendants" focuses on the children or the descendants of, um, all of these classic heritage disney characters-- the villains and the heroes and the heroines, um, and it really hones in on the villain kids, so the kids of jafar, evil queen, cruella de vil, and maleficent.

Kelly: And you're little mal, right? You're the...

Dove: I am, yeah.

Michael: Are you...are you... Are you tough? Are you evil? Um...should I be afraid?

Dove: I mean, like, yeah. Just about as intimidating as I am right now. Yeah.

Kelly: And kristin chenoweth plays your mom, who... We love her so much.

Dove: I love her, too.

Kelly: So if kristin chenoweth...

[Cheering and applause]

If kristin chenoweth plays your mom, that means we're your auntie and uncle, because she is, like... She's our baby girl around here.

Dove: You and her actually look very similar.

Kelly: Thank you very much.

[Laughter]

Kelly: Somewhere kristen chenoweth just popped an antidepressant, and she's not sure why. She's not sure why. She's like, "what? What's happening?"

Michael: We're gonna take a look at a scene, and in this scene, your character mal and her mother maleficent are having a little talk about your future. So here is dove cameron in "descendants."

Maleficent: When I was your age, I was cursing entire kingdoms. You...walk with me. See, I'm just...just trying to teach you the thing that really counts-- how to be me.

Mal: I know that. And I'll do better.

Maleficent: Oh, there's news! I buried the lead. Ha ha! You four have been chosen to go to a different school... In auradon.

[Excited shouting]

Mal: What?

[Cheering and applause]

Kelly: By the way, I like you with purple hair.

Dove: Thank you.

Kelly: Adorable. So cute. Hey, don't forget to check out "descendants," with dove cameron, everyone. Thanks for being here.

Announcer: Think our show is fun to watch from home? Well, it's even more fun live and in person. Come join us. When you're in our studio audience, you never know what will happen. You can win a prize or even become part of the show. Just go to our website for tickets. What are you waiting for? Come join the fun.



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