Live! With Kelly and Michael

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014



Announcer: It's "live with kelly and michael." Today, from the series "homeland," mandy patinkin. And abc "world news tonight" anchor david muir. Plus, we've got something new to grin about. "live's" time to smile travel trivia. All next on "live."

[Captioning made possible by isney-abc domestic television]

Announcer: Now here are kelly ipa and michael strahan! ♪ cheers and applause]

Kelly: Hi!

[Cheers and applause]

Hi. Very nice. Hey, it's tuesday, september 2, 2014. It is our 27th season in syndication. Cheers and applause]

You know, I'm not going to lie, it only feels about half that long for me.

[Laughter]

Michael: That's a long time.

Kelly: Isn't that crazy?

Michael: I must say it goes fast. You've been here for how long?

Kelly: This is my 14th year in syndication. 14th.

[Cheers and applause]

Michael: And I must say today is the start of my third.

Kelly: That's crazy.

[Cheers and applause]

No? Well, it's the start of your third, ok, then it's the start of my 15th. I didn't know you were leading a year in advance. You're like my dad. He's always a year older. I'm living in my 75th year.

Michael: My dad does the same thing.

Kelly: I'm 43 until the hour I turn 44.

Michael: I'm with you on that. So, how was your vacation?

Kelly: Oh my gosh. It was so nice and restful and relaxing. I have to say. You know, I just had really a great time with my kids, for the most part. I could have done without driving lessons with michael.

Michael: I saw your instagram pictures with him, you look frightened.

Kelly: It's terrifying. Absolutely the worst thing ever because the only language you can come up with is foul language.

[Laughter]

The only way to really describe it. But he got really, really good. The more he drove the better he got. He became very confident in his driving.

Michael: Are you like a 10:00 and 2:00, keep your hands on the wheel?

Kelly: He does that.

Michael: And then when you're not in the car he's like this.

Kelly: He started saying, this is quite a nice car, I could get really used to it. Well don't get used to it because that's my car.

Michael: You had driving lessons. Did you travel anywhere?

Kelly: Can I tell you honestly, I barely got out of my backyard. I did a lot of cooking and barbecuing. Mark had to work a lot so he was commuting back and forth, but it was fun. Kids had a lot of homework over the summer because they give kids homework over the summer.

Michael: Which is ridiculous. I think the kids don't go to school as much as we used to, but I never had homework in the summer. That was my time to forget everything I learned earlier in the year.

Kelly: That's what they say happen, so they don't forget. There is something about being able to utilize that, as not really a punishment because I don't believe that reading and learning is a punishment, but when your children, you know, don't want to do what you want to do that day, let's say just sit around on the beach, I use that as an opportunity, I say too bad, grab your books we're going to the beach.

Michael: It looks like you cut your hair.

Kelly: I did. I cut it a little bit shorter.

[Cheers and applause]

Michael: I like it. I like it.

Kelly: I can't stop. You know when you cut your hair d the first few weeks your hair freaks out. I don't know how I'm about to lay on your head. How about you, did you travel?

Michael: Of course, I went out to l.a. And just hung out at the house. Then I went to pebble beach, the pebble beach car show.

Kelly: I saw that on your instagram.

Michael: That was amazing.

Kelly: I wasn't reading the instagram, I was looking at the pictures and I was like oh my gosh, look at michael's backyard, he has so many cars.

Michael: Let me tell you, michael wishes that was his backyard.

Kelly: He said he likes cars.

Michael: I love cars, it was on my bucket list to do it. My buddy chris kneely and his wife took me and my buddy. We went, it was the most amazing thing. Rolls royce actually invited me, which was nice. Hey, I'll take it. No, they invited me.

Kelly: Do you get a complimentary rolls royce?

Michael: Actually I got one for the weekend.

Kelly: Are you kidding me?

Michael: Yes I did.

[Cheers and applause]

Yeah. I mean I had to give it back, I tried not to.

Kelly: Stars, they're just like us.

[Laughter]

Michael: I tried not to give it back, they took it. But yeah, it was a great weekend and if you love cars, the people were so nice. Like everybody, you talk about cars, you see old cars, new cars, futuristic cars. But the greatest thing about it is just amazing, amazing people. And I've never been around cars that are like $50 million or more.

Kelly: What do you mean. There's a car that's worth $50 million or $50 million worth cars?

Michael: No, one car. These ferrari g.t.o.'s, ralph lauren had his there. There's only like 17 in the world. The one that did not come to the show, because all the cars are worth a lot. It cost me $12,000 to ship it. He didn't want to spend $12,000

Kelly: He has to budget somewhere, somewhere.

[Laughter]

Once you spend $30 million for a car, that additional $12,000 needs to be spent on food, say.

[Laughter]

Michael: Yes. But yeah, these cars were amazing. They had a ferrari that sold for $38 million I want to say.

Kelly: Does it come with the cure for cancer?

Michael: No, no. It should come at least a complimentary driver.

Kelly: I'm not a car person so again don't yell at me. I don't understand what could be in the car to make it to expensive.

Michael: It's the history of the car. The ones that have been racing and have a great race history. They sell for all that money. But it was an absolute incredible, incredible trip and I want to thank my buddy chris and his wife melissa for taking myself and wally up there to make sure we had a great time.

Kelly: When you borrow a rolls royce, do you get nervous driving it? Or where you're going to park it?

Michael: You do look out for y where you're going to park buzz you don't squeeze into a spot. You park by yourself, I've justified it now because I remember somebody said be grateful that you can walk so don't be afraid to park and walk. So now that kind of makes me ok, I don't mind parking out in the open. So yeah, you don't get a door ding. I may have to pay for that. It's not in my budget, you know what I mean? But I don't get nervous driving the car. Why not? It's a car. I'll let anybody drive my cars, I don't care. As long as you wreck it, you better not show up, you better go with the car.

[Laughter]

That was a joke, art. As long as you're ok, it's just a car.

[Laughter]

Cheers and applause]

Kelly: I would be way too nervous. Whenever we have the auto show people here they're always like you can borrow whatever car you want. That's ok, because I am way too nervous to borrow a car and to drive somebody else.

Michael: You want to test it out, see maybe one day y'all get one. Allen taylo I saw tall len taylor.

Kelly: Yes, I love tall len.

Michael: Had a good time with allen. It was a great trip. Then I ended up leaving there, went back to l.a. I flew to see my twins in north carolina who are back in school, which is asome.

Kelly: Such a bummer for them.

Michael: Such a bummer. They've been in school already for two or three weeks. Gelman, his girls don't go to school until nexteek. Mid next week. Then I went to sweden.

[Laughter]

Kelly: I know --

Michael: Why y'all looking at me like what the black man doing in sweden?

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

Kelly: We were texting and he's like it's the only place I can get any privacy. I was like, are you sure?

Michael: The best thing about it, I can walk the streets, sit down, have a coffee, smoke a cigar, anything I wanted to do and nobody bugged me. Nobody bothered me. Every once in a while you had some american come up, but a lot of them were americans who live there who would come up, but it was great because it was kind of like anonymity, and nobody's trying to do like this with their camera phone. So it was very relieving. It was a great trip. I went with two friends of mine and we just relaxed and it was one of the most relaxing vacations I've had in a long time. But it was cold.

Kelly: If I want anonymity, all I have to do is wash my makeup off.

Michael: I can't watch this off. Ain't what I am.

[Cheers and applause]

It was great. Little cold.

Kelly: Cold how. Tell me.

Michael: Like during the day, if it got up to 64 --

Kelly: What?

Michael: 65, they were out there in like bikinis, I'm out there with a coat on. Then at night, it was like probably in the 50's, 40's.

Kelly: Oh, that's cold. That's not how I want it in august.

Michael: I didn't count on that when I went, but I was there, it as too late to change my but I had a great time. A great country. Had a phenomenal time.

Kelly: Good, I'm glad. Sounds like a good time.

[Cheers and applause]

While we were on vacation a lot's happened. Want to send our love and our prayers and everything all positive thoughts to joan rivers, our very good friend.

[Cheers and applause]

My friend liza got married august 1, and I got to sit next to joan for the whole wedding and we had the best time. We talked, we laughed so much. We were reminiscing think about it, we were reminiscing about september 11 because she was our guest on the show.

Michael: Oh wow.

Kelly: And her dog had just passed away and then september 11 happened and she was so devastated and sobbing backstage but still funny because she was so -- she was crying, I can't believe what they did. She looks up and goes, you look fabulous by the way.

[Laughter]

So we were just having this discussion and to see her so funny, so beautiful, incredible as always and now to have this horrible thing happen to her, I just pray for her recovery. I just pray, pray, pray.

[Cheers and applause]

She's so beloved.

Michael: She's one of the best guests that we have here. She is so funny and on top of it and is so amazing. Yeah, we do pray for her. Also while we were gone, unfortunately, robin williams passed away.

Kelly: Yes.

Michael: Yeah, which I think was a shock and sad for everybody. As a matter of fact yesterday I tched "mork and mindy mats marathon.

[Cheers and applause]

And it's amazing because he's so brilliant on that show, like he's all these things and really, really amazing to watch him and his work. And his daughter zelda dropped off twitter for a while, because there are crazy people out there doing somethings that made her so uncomfortable that she got off social media.

Kelly: I don't blame her one bit.

Michael: But she posted this quote from harvey firestein who as her dad's co-star, in "mrs. Doubtfire." Never be bullied into silence, never be allowed to be made into a definition. Accept no one's definition of your life, define yourself." She tweeted that with the words thank you, and she's back. Cheers and applause]

Kelly: I feel that number one, the loss of robin williams is something that is going to take everybody a long time to get over because, I don't think I've ever told my kids that somebody has passed away that's not somebody they know, a close family friend or a relative, and had that caned of reaction where my kids sobbed because he meant so much to them. And this is a man they had never met. But they were true fans, true, true fans, you know? And then to have people on social media become monsters, I don't understand it. I think it's turning -- there's a sensitivity chip now that is missing because everybody has this blanket voice that they can launch, they can fire at you like a missile and think they can just walk away at the end of it because they are anonymous. And you reply back, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think you wo th. What? Because they think you're not in control of that, but there are people that actually read those things that are in control of they're sobel media because that really is your voice. You can use it to be critical and be a jerk or use it to be positive and encourage people. I hope that the second way is the way that most people will use it, will be positive. Cheers and applause]

Kelly: I have to be honest, I think it's 50-50, I really do. I think for every positive person there's a critical person. But now it seems like I'm noticing, because I just joined instagram. I joined instagram about three weeks ago. And I notice that you put a picture up, I put a picture up of a pie and people started fighting with each other. I was like people, it's a pie! Let's make pie, not war, my god!

Michael: But we want to send our condolences out to the williams family. We didn't have a chance to do that because we were on vacation, and also rest in peace robin williams.

[Cheers and applause]

You want to talk about that, go ahead.

Kelly: I want to talk about this, I want to switch topics for a minute, about this celebrity scandal where the cloud was hacked and now all the celebrity nude photos have been leaked. Do you know about this? Because this is infuriating because I sent this man my nude photos and he still didn't leak them.

[Laughter]

Very upsetting. I did!

[Cheers and applause]

Kelly: What does a girl have to do to get hacked around here. All my nude photos? Just kidding gelman, I didn't take any nude photos.

Gelman: Go to livekellyandmichael.com.

Kelly: Yes, go to our website for an exclusive sneak peek of all my nude photos.

Michael: If you go to our store you can actually buy emvha tt michael's standing next to. Oh, that's kelly. That's her nude photos.

Michael: But all these stars, I heard about this and a serious invasion of privacy.

Kelly: No, I know we're joking but you have to.

Michael: What did they grab it from the cloud or something? I'll be honest with you, I don't think I have anything like that.

[Laughter]

Michael: You don't think.

Michael: I don't think. I don't know, because me I'm afraid that you do that and somebody gets mad at you, next thing you know you're all over the web. Literally, you're all over the web. So, I never really do that.

Kelly: Ok, I'll tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a funny story. I don't take --

Michael: You know they might be looking.

Kelly: I don't take nudes, I like to shower in a bathing suit.

[Laughter]

Butt boot camp -- sorry. This is several years ago. I did a butt boot camp and I took a picture in a very brazilian cut bikini bottom. You know what that is? And I thought to my husband, but I sent it of course to my in-laws.

[Laughter]

And so imagine my shock when I see like my mother-in-law's like dear kelly we are so proud of all of your hard work.

[Laughter]

It's really paying off, you look terrific. It's just a picture of my butt. It says look booty boot camp boom. Or something like that.

[Laughter]

Michael: Can you mabbling your father-in-law.

Kelly: Please, I'm still so -- I have a hard time, thanksgiving I'm like hi.

Michael: So kelly, tell us about that booty camp.

Kelly: Dear kelly, I have to do the email in my mother-in-law's voice. And may god continue to bless you.

[Laughter]

Cheers and applause]

Michael: Well, you know what, all I got to say is we are both very blessed to be back here, to go back to work. We have a very big, big show today.

[Cheers and applause]

Welcome back my lady. Cover your coffee --

Kelly: I don't want to.

Michael: Because we're starting a new game today everybody.

[Cheers and applause]

It is called the time to smile travel trivia!

[Cheers and applause]

Cheers and applause]

Michael: I love that song.

Kelly: I get it. All the balls have smiley faces on them gelman. Gelman, I love your happy balls.

Gelman: Thank you.

[Cheers and applause]

They're all smiling.

Kelly: Because the end of last season, end of last season, gel man's balls were broken. Now, now they're smiling.

Gelman: These are fresh.

Michael: They were just deflated.

Kelly: Yes. It's from all the emojis. Yes, I get it gelman. Now it all makes sense. Behind you.ave some

Michael: How you going to put a gap on an emoji.

Kelly: Wait, which one is me?

Michael: Can I get that so when I send messages so I can send me smiling.

Gelman: We can do that.

Kelly: I feel like you phoned my emoji is in. Which one is me.

Gelman: The one with the big eyes.

Kelly: I get it, because I've got big eyes. Look who's talking. Hey, today's trivia dancer is yvette bowers from bronx, new york. Cheers and applause]

Gelman, did you giver this that t-shirt?

Gelman: Yes, oh yeah.

Kelly: So the audience gets to have -- oh my gosh.

Michael: Y vet's looking, you think I wore this shirt in here. Spare no expense. Let's say hello to dave perry from michigan. Hello there dave, how are you?

Caller: Hello kelly, hello michael.

Kelly: Hey dave, what's going on?

Caller: We're just chilling out after the long weekend.

Michael: You got any kids?

Caller: I want to give a shout out to my daughterering at michigan state, olivia perry and all her friends.

[Cheers and applause]

Michael: What year is this for her?

Caller: She's a freshman, she started off a week and a half ago.

Michael: How was dropping her off at school?

Caller: It was strange, but we had a great time. Her mother and I got together and we had a good day of it. No tears, we were glad because we know she's going to do well.

Kelly: Wow.

Michael: That's nice, good for you.

[Cheers and applause]

Kelly: I can't imagine what that's like dropping your kid off at college. You know, you've done it.

Michael: You want to cry. Yeah.

Kelly: You're tearing up right now.

Michael: I know.

[Laughter]

Because I think it makes you feel like time goes, you realize you're getting older. Yeah, because we all are.

Kelly: Every time I pass a mirror I'm reminded of that.

Michael: I don't know, I got this little mohawk hair cut today.

Kelly: Yes, we noticed. Is this your mid life crisis mohawk?

[Laughter]

Michael: Exactly, exactly. I said I wanted a fun hair cut, this is what I got. And schillay asked me, were you feeling kind of old or something. But dave, we feel your pain and we're going to spin this wheel and see if we can send you on a vacation.

[Cheers and applause]

Kelly: Oh, this is a great prize, the st. James club morgan bay in st. Lucia, seven days, six nights, all inexclusive, round trip courtesy of hotwire valued at $8,500. You have 20 seconds and one guess, good luck.

Michael: All right, here you go dave. On yesterday's show we talked with lea michele. What singer did lea say she met for the first time at the grammy awards?

Caller: Barbra streisand.

Michael: Got it!

[Cheers and applause]

Announcer: Congratulations, you and a guest will enjoy seven days, six nights at the st. James club morgan bay, set on 25 acres of colorful hillside gardens on the northern coast of st. Lucia. Nightly entertainment, five restaurants and a host of land and water activities including five fresh water pools, tennis, sailing, kayaking and more. Your prize is valued at approximately $8,500.

[Cheers and applause]

Kelly: Hey, congratulations dave!

Caller: Thanks very much! I'm still dancing around the living room.

Kelly: Are you dancing to that song, barbra streisand? No, I guess we're the only two people that know that one.

[Laughter]

Now, you get to help make the day of a lucky member of our studio audience who leff eight place settings val crewed at more than $500. So please pick a number between 1-17.

Caller: Well, because we're going to celebrate our 29th anniversary, it's going to be number 29.

[Cheers and applause]

Michael: There we go. Congratulations dave. Congratulations, ma'am. Everybody stay right there. When we come back, one of my favorites is here, my man mandy patinkin.

Announcer: Still ahead on "live," david muir. We'll open up kelly and miking's inbox. And coming up next, mandy patinkin.

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